I want to make this happen in my bedroom. Can I do that? How far from perfection can I settle for? OK, well, I want this without the funky pillows, and without the log tables and lamps. The rest is ok. I wonder why it always looks like people don't live here. Where is the alarm clock? The magazine(s) they were reading before they went to bed? The clothes that need to be put away? (not to mention washed). Where is the pile of clothes that need to be mended? The toy someone abandoned here? Those things are omnipresent in my bedroom.

On a similar note, what does the perfect Christmas mean? What are your thoughts? I'm not sure what my definition of the perfect Christmas is this year. I'd settle for less stress, less stuff, more time, and an organized life. I'm really struggling with the tug and pull of wanting less stuff to make my existence simpler, and the pack rat in me not able to get rid of anything. (I might need it...I might want it...I don't want to buy it again...look, a good deal!) Where's that Peter Walsh when you really need him? I wonder if his particular brand of psychology has any staying power. If I had time, and money, I'd read his book. Ha. What I really need, is for him to come and live with us for a week.

Well, I need to get something other than this done. Until tomorrow.

Please, Mr. Postman (AKA the guy that drives over my grass daily)

I really want to send Christmas cards. I love to get Christmas cards. The dimishing number that we receive each year indicates how these things are not mutually exclusive. To be clear, apparently, if you do not send the cards, you do not get the cards.

Last year, I wrote the letter, printed the photo of the kids, assembled and addressed the envelopes, EVEN PUT STAMPS ON SOME OF THEM, but never put them in the mail. (See photo at left of a few of them still hanging around in my office.)Why? I truly have no idea. I'm notorious for a mid January to mid February Christmas letter - someone suggested once I should just send Groundhog Day cards- but seriously, to do it, and not mail it? I can't even explain it now.

So, this year, I wonder even how to start. The world has changed since then. Buying, say---$40 worth of postage ($.42 per stamp) seems like a lot of money. Getting a photo printed (say another $15) plus paper and ink...it's not huge in the grand scheme of things, but we are thinking about darn near every dime that goes out.

Should I write a letter? Sign some cards? Not writing a letter would defeat the whole point in my mind. I love reading people's Christmas letters. If I don't see them often, or even if I do, I want to know what they look like, what their kids are doing, and what important stuff is going on with them. Email is free, but only reaches a fraction of the people I'd like to touch. I want to get the mail, so why shouldn't they?

I'll do it, because I want to see that thin stream coming into my house keep coming. I'll probably be two to six weeks late, but I will mail them this year. I will, I promise. Really.

Is this day really almost over? Where did it go? I still have a long list of things to do...did I even cross anything off? New Hire paperwork, check. Meeting with Neil, check. Hmmm. that's it. Well, I did clean off the bookshelves this morning and get a donation ready for the bookstore. ---to be fair, Nathan and Alex got up, and got on the bus on time- breakfast included, I met the bus for Alex, and picked up Nathan at school. Everyone ate some food, and I washed a load of laundry. Oh, and I took a shower and got dressed. So a few things on the done side, though not as much as I'd hoped for. (please note: Gary is out of town, so the part about the boys getting ready for school and on the bus on time is a serious moment of truth at our house when I'm in charge.) I picked up tiny pieces of paper and stickers about a hundred times. I washed the dishes.

Tomorrow I'll start again.

Blog, check.

There should be snow at Christmas. And then, it should all go away until the next year. There should be enough snow to make things beautiful. To make it feel like a holiday.To make me want to put on Christmas music, decorate the tree, do some baking, write Christmas cards. It can snow like crazy the week between Christmas and New Year's so the kids can play outside in snow pants and boots, then---it can all go away. Every year in February, I'm convinced we should move to Phoenix.

There's a light lake effect snow drifting down outside my window,and it's accomplishing all the things I think it should. I WANT to do all those things, but instead, I'm going to work.

Good day for sweats, hot chocolate, blanket, good book on the couch. (Have I ever actually DONE that, or is it just a wishful dream?)

FORECAST
Today: Variably cloudy with spotty flurries early, otherwise partly sunny, breezy and cold. High: 33, Wind: SSW 10-20 Tonight: Windy and cold with increasing clouds. Low: 28 Current Temperature: 21 degrees.

The photo for today, the holly bush outside my front door.

Manifesto

Journal Your Christmas 2008----
Starting today, I will take back Christmas. I will remember that this is Jesus' birthday - and that is the whole point. Christmas is about helping others. About being together. About remembering that the world does not revolve around my problems. While these words may mean nothing to you, I hope that someday, someone will read and know that this year, I tried to make some meaning out of all of it. On the other hand, what I write may not be profound. I want to remember things about this year JUST the way they are. I want my kids to remember this as a happy time, not about mom working or stressing about work. BUT--I also want them to know just HOW lucky they are. If I get a Christmas journal made, all the better. If not, I'm ok with that. But I will try to give myself fifteen minutes each day to at least try and write things down. (I wish the "good luck with that" mantra in my head would quit.)